Why I'm Getting Old, and Who's to Blame

Tomorrow morning, as I awake, one thing is certain: I will be one more day older than today. Ironically, human beings age an average of one day every 24 hours (death being the only antagonist to the equation).

Tuesday, March 15, I will tackle day 10,563 of my life (if you are calculating my age/birthday, don't forget to include leap-years). I can't help but notice aspects of my life announcing the fact that I'm getting older:

I care less and less what I look like when I dress for work. Tomorrow, I'll put on whatever clothes I THINK I didn't wear last week, and hope that I can put off dry-cleaning another week. Moreover, I can't pull off the looks I used to. There was a time when I could go out the night before and be over-served, wake the next morning only to jump out of bed, throw some clothes on, and fool everyone at work about my state of being or my previous night's activities. Undoubtedly, someone will approach me tomorrow "Looks like you had a rough night last night" when all I did was watch that funny looking kid on American Idol, write this post, and do laundry. "Does it show?" I'll reply.

Going out on a work-night and tying one on will require setting the alarm on my phone and placing it on the other side of my bedroom--making sure I get out of bed. The following day at work will involve several trips to the bathroom down the hall; the first two hours will consist of internet surfing while my head conquers the pain and confusion; I will inevitably think back to college wondering how I ever made it to English 112 on a Friday morning.

I have developed a care for weather disasters. When one occurs, I instantly think of who I know living in that area. I worry that they are safe. I will contact them several days after and use the phrase "I was worried about you."

I have $10.30 worth of coupons that I have CUT out of the Sunday ads (ie, Dial For Men Body Wash, Pledge Grab-It Dry Cloths, Kraft Crumble Cheese, Zatarain's Rice Mix). I will use them all.

I not only talk about "doing lunch" with friends, but actually "do lunch."

The current weather conditions, forecasted weather conditions, and whatever happened to the weather the night before will be discussed with a co-worker. "What do weathermen know!?" "Must be nice getting paid to be wrong" will be involved in a weekly conversation. I visit weather.com frequently.

I'm interested in your 401k/403b enrollment at your place of employment (after 2 years of employment I contribute 6% and my employer contributes 8%). We will compare benefits and see who has the best insurance coverage.

I have found (and remedied) 5 gray hairs.

"Red Red Wine" by UB40 reminds me of a middle-school dance at Webster. Our Principal turned the lights on and was pissed that it was played. "...it keeps me rocking, all of the time..."

I can only count on my good looks for so long.



Reading: Human Stain by Phillip Roth
Listening to: R.E.M.